My favorite time of year is when the sun is warm but the air is crisp. The leaves are starting to turn colors and it’s absolutely beautiful outside. Although there is still a little fog out there this morning, I can tell that it’s going to be one of those perfect weather days. If you’re having nice weather where you are today, get out there and enjoy it! Today won’t last forever ya know.
I received a few e-mails about Friday’s post, The Name Game. Many of you find it hard to remember names, too. Someone asked if I ever thought about why I can’t easily remember people’s names when I first meet them. I have a theory on this, and it relates to my People Pyramid.
My People Pyramid looks like this:
Spouse
Immediate Family
Friends
Associates, Advisors, Acquaintances
Strangers
The higher a person is on my Pyramid, the better I know them, the better they know me, and the more I expect of the relationship. The lower a person is, the less I know about them, the less they know about me, and the greater chance there is that I won’t remember their name. That’s why name association games work for some people – because you attach meaning to a name – even if it’s with an apple.
Until I establish a meaningful connection with someone and relate them to my life, I can almost guarantee that I won’t remember their name. I have trouble remembering names of Hollywood celebrities for that same reason.
Unless you’re an immediate family member and were born into my Pyramid, climbing its steep sides is not always easy. A lot of new people I meet stay at Level A for a long time before I will sincerely call them Friend. I’ll explain the difference between Friend (who knows the real me) and Acquaintances, Advisors, and Associates (who only know small parts of me) in a later posts. Just know that, the people in my life are there for very important reasons, and I always try to remember that. I have a reminder of this along the walkway to my front door…
The most important point about the People Pyramid is that the higher someone is, the more honesty and loyalty I expect from them. Also, the deeper I can be hurt by them and the more joy they can bring to my life…because they are hurting the real me and taking joy in the real me, not just a small part of me. I expect a lot of honesty and loyalty from my true friends…and I try to give it back to them just the same.
Do you have a lot of friends, or just a few? Do you expect them to be honest and loyal all the time, or just some of the time?
The Chameleon's Backbone 
Posted by Laura on September 14, 2010 at 1:24 pm
When I look at myself as a woman I always feel that I am not the typical cookie cutter. I’ll be honest I have always been able to relate to men better simply because I hate the cattiness games that women play. I hate the gossip coffee clatch and therefore in general thoughout my life have been extremely cautious when making friends.
I have very few, but very very close women friends. In fact I can count them on one hand and still have a digit or two left over. In fact I still have two women whom I grew up with that I still consider my best friends. One of them we only get to talk to once and a great while since our lives have gone in different directions and she lives far away, the other one recently moved back into the area after being gone for 18 years. It’s been great to have another close friend whom I trust nearby.
As far as simply friends or what I would call acquaintances I have several and plenty. There are “friends” through work and networking and “friends” at the ball field where we are all Moms. However, none of these people are truly friends. I guard what I say and keep my personal life close to me.
As you have said it takes a lot for a person to make it into my upper pyramid. I will say that once someone makes it there I never have to worry about their level of commitment or trust.
Posted by Tracy on September 14, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Ok, we are officially the same person. If you colored your hair black and moved to Pittsburgh, the people in my Pyramid would not know the difference. 🙂